Gaara's Midnight Snack
by KashTheKwik
Summary: Everyone's favorite little hellion sand nin searches all of Konoha's residents to find his perfect midnight snack and crazy things ensue! R&R please!
1. The Last Piece Of Cake

A/N: Ah yes, my second Naruto fic, this time around my all-time favorite character, the overly violent, overly insolent, always cranky, Gaara Of The Sand. In this little ficcy, our favorite youngest of the sand nins tries to find something to eat for his daily midnight snack. Sadly, this is going to take not only alot of work... but even talking to a few of Konoha's best and brightest... Ok... let's all pray for a moment that Gaara doesn't kill EVERYONE. As always, I don't own Naruto, I wish Hinata owned me, I wish could give Kabuto and Itachi the PWNAGES of their lives....

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**Gaara's Midnight Snack**:

Chapter One: The Last Piece Of Cake

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Another night in the calm quiet of Sunagakure, or Sunaga, the Village Of The Sand. As Adults began shuffling from jobs, or meeting old friends to talk the talk and take a take on current events, kids lied their heads down on soft pillows of cotton or wool or some other stuffing of pillow. Of course, this was not the same for some kids or teenagers... Namely, the children of the Kazekage....

Gaara sat down on the couch, silently thumbing through a newspaper, his slippers on his feet, his feet on the futon as he read through current events, mumbling something as he got to his favorite column, the obituaries, muttering as he read the names of the recently deceased, almost exactly like a football fan who had found his favorite teams had won or loss that day...

"Jinei died at 43... damn him... dying in the shower by slipping. Pathetic. Ooh... Amouki was slayed by 7 nukenin.... Head chopped off... Nice. Very nice." The aqua green eyes of the violent young sand genin flashed up as he heard feet scuttle around him. Gaara wore a long black T-shirt and under it, comfortable soft pants of his own knitting, with patterns of skulls and sandcastles twirling around. The young red-head rubbed his eyes, the black around them increased for a moment. He stood up, tapping his forehead as if he was forgetting something, no longer wanting to read the death "scores"... He needed his snack... He could eat a piece now and leave the rest for later tonight. Maybe he'd watch his old Extreme Championship Taijutsu with the Nudley Girls taking on Not Too Credible in a handicap Shuriken filled table match... Gaara smiled, remembering how Credible couldn't even eat mashed potatoes after that match.... He went to the kitchen...

The older brother wanted to sleep as badly as possible... Ok scratch that... He wanted to eat, then sleep as badly as possible. Tomorrow was a Saturday, and that meant no missions, which meant sleeping ALL day. He looked through the fridge, eyeing anything that could be edible.... It was the last slice of double chocolate cake... With mocha spinkles... and... Dare Kankuro dream it... chocolate mousse creme frosting... It... Was a gift from the gods. He looked for a fork... There it was. Yes, this cake was about to get owned...

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Gaara stood there, his eyes widening silently... It... was gone. It... the cake... His chocolate cake... Double chocolate cake damnit... with the mocha sprinkles... and the... the creme... not cream damn it... creme... the really fancy stuff... Gaara fell on his knees and openly wept, covering himself in a fetal position... As he lied on the tile floor, a young blonde genin wearing her usual fishnet and leather, keeping on her back a green sleeping roll and bag strapped to her back, as well as her giant metal fan. Temari bent down to Gaara's level, putting a hand on his shoulder, to which he suddenly wrapped his arms around her, weeping openly...

"Temari... someone... cake... ate..." Gaara managed to mumble, using his older sister's outfit as a tissue. Temari shook her head, wondering who would do this? Or how for that matter? The three of them together could easily kill even the quietest shinobi of this village. Easily. It had to be done when they weren't looking or something. Temari couldn't think at the moment though, as she had to get to that sleepover, but then how many times did her little brother do this? It was his midnight snack... Suddenly they both heard a burp and looked up. A pair of tealish aqua green and a pair of hazel eyes looked as crumb faced Kankuro tossed a plate into the sink, filling it a little with water, then looking down at the scene his siblings caused....

"What?"

Gaara stood up, his eye twitching silently, followed by red veins in his eyes, flashing immensely as he slowly held his hand out to kill his brother...

**_"You.... ate... my... cake... You... evil... EVIL... BAKA!!!! I KILL YOU! I EAT YOUR CHILDREN!" _**

The redheaded genin snarled sounding much like Shukaku, going for the jugular of his older brother, but Temari grabbed him just in time, stopping Gaara's hand just an inch short as he fell to the ground... After a varying 15 minutes of arguments, squeals, and blood soaked sand flew around...

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"Ok... Gaara. I apologize to you for eating your midnight snack."

"Kankuro. I forgive you, and will now leave to find a new snack."  
  
The two brothers merely looked at each other with calm eyes, although Kankuro knew the only reason he wasn't already laying on a stretcher because of Temari. The blonde smiled cheerfully, kissing Gaara on the cheek and giving an insolent glare to Kankuro as she left their home for a sleepover she had been invited to... Gaara left Kankuro there to fear for his life as he began to get dressed. He grabbed his gourd, strapping it around him, putting on his clothes. Damnit... Now he'd have to get something to eat. His stomach grumbled at him like an unfed rocweiler. He needed his nightly snack damnit. He went outside, popping the cork off his gourd, as he took sand, molding it into... a unicycle. He jumped on and began peddling, taking out a bottle of his favorite night drink, Triple frappucino mocha chocolate arabian java latte'... The drink of insomniacs and violent mass murders everywhere... Straight from a little cafe known as Shurikenbucks.

Now all Gaara had to do was find something to eat... Maybe Someone in Konoha had the cure...

A/N: First chapter... Hope that wasn't too bad. I tried to make it funnier, but I'm sure as the story picks up, we'll see some odd things. Also, I hope you guys are already wondering who Gaara is going to get a cure for his midnight snack ailment... R&R, Criticism welcomed!


	2. Connoisseurs of Konoha

A/N: Whoa! I didn't expect to get so many replies! Then again, Gaara is a very unused character… Ok, next chapter. Gaara begins to search for his new snack. Of course we're going to have him meet Naruto! Though first he'll have to meet a few other Connoisseurs of Konoha… Which is ironically why this chapter is called… Connoisseurs of Konoha… Ah and for an answer to someone's question.

**Metalicgal: **Yes, I should have killed him, but I was feeling kind… Don't worry, Kankuro will get his atleast once before this fic is over.

Now… To the fic! Chapter 2!

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Gaara's Midnight Snack:**

Chapter 2: Connoisseurs Of Konoha

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Chouji yawned, sitting up in his pajamas from his bed, rubbing his eyes. He wore an odd sort of fluffy one-piece red pajamas with a single way to get in or out. Through the bottom. He shook his head, hearing another rapping at the door, getting up with a groan. It was time for him to get his midnight snack anyway… Either way, the butterfly of the Ino Shika Cho formation waddled to the door, wondering if it was Shikamaru or Ino with some type of news. Of course when Chouji opened the door, he saw a pair of demonic aqua green eyes starring at him…

"….AHHHH!!!!" Chouji jumped back, hiding behind the fridge… Then within a second thought, he jumped infront of the fridge, protecting it. Gaara cleared his throat in annoyance. "Are you Akimichi Chouji?" Chouji listened to the calm, almost stone standing words, starring into the air as if he could almost see the words flutter by. He got off of his crumpled defensive position. "Err yeah… You're Gaara Of The Sand aren't you?" Gaara simply nodded, which caused Chouji to jump back again. He'd heard stories of this genin from Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, and Shino. Well, not really Shino since Shino never talked, but then when he did, Chouji could smell Miso Soup with leeks on his breath, which were probably made with sea-salt before boiled out, then added in…  
  
Gaara cleared his throat yet _again_, to call attention to the pudgy genin. "Listen. My midnight snack was lost beyond my control and since I have heard of you and your tremendous girth, I would like to ask you if you have any food to offer me."  
  
Chouji tapped his cheek, thinking intently, ignoring the obvious insult because they had gotten to Chouji's favorite subject… Food. Finally, Chouji pulled a seat for Gaara at the table, to which Gaara took, although uneasily, unsure if it was a good idea to sit. Chouji left Gaara in his kitchen, coming back six minutes later in… an odd waiter's costume. He now had a red silk vest, like the color of poured wine over a formal white long sleeved shirt and a midnight tie to go with, as long as cotton black pants. He took a notepad and asked the sand nin with a smile…. "Hello sir, may I take your order…?"  
  
Gaara starred him for the longest time… Finally… "What are you doing?" Chouji merely grinned and answered, "Why I'm taking your order sir. It's service with a smile here at Chouji's." The eyes of the sand nin, the type of eyes that seemed to be a child of teal and green blinked again… "I'm going to leave you here. I'm never going to come back. I spare your life only because you scare me." The sand nin merely stood up and walked away, out of Chouji's house, leaving the rotund genin to stand there, still waiting for the order.

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Gaara came to his next stop, which seemed to belong to a jounin. He could only guess this of course, but there was the kanji for "scarecrow" on the welcome mat. Nonetheless, he knocked on the door. There was no answer. Gaara knocked again. Again, no response… His short fuse began to burn as he pressed his ear against the door, and could swear he was listened to one of those orchestras that played during Masterpiece Theatre… He began to the side of the house, looking through the window… His jaw dropped… It was… Hatake Kakashi…. Dressed in… A burgundy bathrobe with a plaid kerchief hanging from his neck, a pipe hanging from his mouth, blowing orchid bubbles as he read Volume 3 of his beloved Come Come Paradise. On Kakashi's head, tipped to the side was a scarlet fez with a golden tassel hanging from the side and the kanji of scarecrow on the front. Though most of all what scared Gaara was… Kakashi no longer had his mouth cover or headband over his sharigan eye. Gaara slowly ducked his head down, fidgeting his gourd for where he kept his camera. He silently raised it to the window without looking and took the picture then ran away…

As Gaara neared the next house he took the already developed picture from the camera and looked over it… It was… a picture of Kakashi grinning through his mask and headband, winking at the camera. Suddenly a voice interrupted his disbelief…

"You're a good photographer Gaara-san…" Gaara jumped a few feet in the air, screaming loudly into the night, as he finally landed. He stood up, a lump in his head, screaming his lung out. "Damn you, you silver haired demon! Tell people when you're going to sneak up on them!!!"  
  
Kakashi merely winked at him again, still in his odd Masterpiece Theatre style outfit.

"So tell me Gaara… What are you doing spying on me? I didn't think you swung that way. I had you pegged for more of a masochist bondage type…" Gaara cursed indignantly in reply, "I'll have you know that I enjoy bond-… Wait a frickin' minute, why the hell am I discussing my sex life with you!" Gaara turned his head, and walked away, realizing he would never find his midnight snack here…

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Sasuke yawned, getting up from his Uchiha Family covers, sitting up in his Uchiha Family pajamas as he tapped his drapery, wondering who was up at this hour. He prayed it wasn't Sakura or Ino, or even both, attempting to get a picture or ask him which one of them he found more attractive. Yeesh. What Sasuke did find as he walked over his Uchiha family carpet, past the Uchiha Family Cupboard, opening the Uchiha Family door…

"Gaara…?"

"Sasuke…. Listen. I need a Midnight Snack. I need food. You need to give me food. I ask you this out of all the kindness I kind muster that is left in my soul after 12 years of assassination attempts."  
  
The raven-hair of Konoha merely shrugged and motioned Gaara to follow him into the kitchen, as Gaara put his gourd down again, sitting at the table.

"So what are you hungry for Gaara? Some Uchiha Family Potato Salad? Some Uchiha Family Cherry Pie? Oh, maybe the Uchiha Family Fried Chicken?"  
  
Gaara silently eyed Sasuke for a while, wondering why he kept saying Uchiha before these foods then finally spoke in a discontent voice, "I'll take the Potato Salad and Fried Chicken." Sasuke blinked at him and shook his head. "I don't have anything like that."  
  
A pair of tealish green eyes starred hard into the pair of obsidians watching them. "You just said you had it. I want the food damnit. I want the Potato Salad and Fried Chicken. Baka."

Sasuke snarled slightly and got into Gaara's personal space. "I told you dope. There is none of that…"  
  
They continued getting into each other's personal space until…

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"That's the second time this has happened to me."

"Damnit, screw this… I'm leaving… Maybe some other person will actually have food that _exists_."

Gaara left, wiping his mouth in vile disgust. He might have wanted a Hershey's Kiss, but now he didn't even want to think of the word kiss. What the hell did that raven haired Uchiha obsessed freak mean by it's the second time it happened to him?! He probably kisses people like that all the damn time and says it's an accident… sick. He strapped his gourd on and kept walking into the night, to find the next person to ask a snack…

Sasuke however, shrugged and sat down. Why did Gaara keep asking for fried chicken and potato salad? Sasuke didn't have anything like that. All he had was Uchiha Family Potato Salad and Uchiha Family Fried Chicken. He did have some Uchiha Family Riceballs, but those were his. As Sasuke put his head on the pillow, he thought that in comparison to Naruto, Gaara was a bad kisser. Yeech… Second time this happened. He needed to start arguing with girls from now on…

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A/N: 'Ell, that's a bit of craziness 'ight there, aye wha? Ok ok, enough of that. That's it for chapter 2. Next chapter, Gaara will be looking for even more madness with Rock Lee and Neji, and also… crash the Slumber Party his sister has gone to! Madness! Zaniness! Wacky! 


End file.
